A poem I wrote

Dear Baby,

You are a dream I have every night.

I feel like until you are here, things in life just aren't right.

I reach out to you but you are so far away,

But somehow I have to hold on to the thought that you might be mine someday.

My love for you pours out of my heart so much it floods my eyes.

I look to God and pray and ask him to bless you in our lives.

And when that moment comes and you are finally here,

I will reach out to you and you will be near.

Either way I know we are meant to be,

and I will love you for all eternity.

Love Mom

second chance

Well I was suppose to get aunt flo and instead I ovulated. So we are getting a second chance this month and I am overwhelmed with joy.

this sucks

Well, I went for my visit on Saturday to the RE (reproductive endocronologist) and had my estrogen checked and my follicles measured. Now, I have been doing this every other morning since stimulation day 1 which was the 3rd day of my cycle. Counting stimulation days, I have 18 of them for my follicles to grow and reach 14mm in order for me to start coming for the above said tests everyday and start using my ovulation predictor test kits at home and then once I get a positive one of those, then I can get the IUI (intra-uterine insemination). Last cycle the follicles stayed small around 6-7 and then day 12 they finally got to 12mm,then 13mm then 15 mm by the 18th day (which would be the last day) I did the IUI two days later and I started feeling great and pregnant and all. BUT aunt flo is a bitch and she mimmicks pregnancy. Well, 2 weeks later I went for my pregnancy test and it was negative. The girl said it still may be early since I ovulated so late. She said I could come back in 5 days for a repeat pregnancy test. I never made it that far, 3 hours after the news, KNOCK KNOCK, aunt flo showed up. I hate her!!!! Anyway, this Saturday I was at stimulation day 18 again and this time my follicle never got over 11mm. So I was very upset, but they said I can come back Monday just out of curiosity to see if they are still growing..........................................................................

Our story

Ok, well here is our story. Last January my husband and I decided it was time to have a baby. I had a feeling it wouldn't be easy since we didn't prevent it for the past 2 years prior. I had my annual ob check up and she said that since my cycles were so long that it would probably be difficult for us without fertility drugs.
We decided to try naturally anyway since doctors weren't always right. So I went on line and edcuated myself about conceiving. I learned about cervical mucous, ovulation kits, basal body temperature and the like.
I went on tons of websites and found other women who were also trying to conceive and having problems. It was a little overwhelming at first since I couldn't believe what women were going to and able to do to have a baby. I felt like I wasn't doing anything and felt distant from them. Not because I wasn't able to do the things, just felt some of them to be a little out there but to each is their own.
After about 4 months of crying everytime Aunt Flo showed up I decided to search again for alternantives. I found acupuncture. I talked to Alex about it and he said whatever makes you happy.
We went and met the lady and she seemed nice and made us feel comfortable. I wasn't afraid of the needles just thought they might pinch ( a pet peeve of mine)
On my first visit, I was so nervous but by the time I was done proclaiming my anxiety of the visit, she said look down at your feet, I am done. It didn't hurt at all.
After a couple of months, my periods were coming more regularly and I felt energized and positive. I followed her recommendations as they came even when they seemed weird. A couple of months after that my mind started to wander alot and the acupuncture just wasn't working. I felt it worked and would recommend it to anyone, but it is alot of mind work too. I just wasn't "there" anymore and decided to stop treatments.
I went to my annual ob visit again and the fill in doctor asked how things were going since she saw the notes of the wanting a baby thing. I told her about the trying and acupuncture and all and she said she had some information about a study group.
The reason we held off on the fertility drugs because the first doctor said they weren't guaranteed and the next step would be the injections.
Also the side effects may be cancer, having precancerous cervical cells and dealing with that for 2 years, I was frightened of having this kind of side effect.
But desperation has set in and 3 of my friends were pregnant and everywhere I went that is all I saw. I was going crazy.
We decided to give the study a try and we qualified and we are currently on our second month.

Yesterday

Yesterday I was leaving the infertility specialist and a guy pulled up next to me and was going inside. Sounds ok so far right? NO! He had a baby probably about 1 year old with him and was carrying him inside. I don't know about other people but if I were sitting in there I would have freaked out. I mean you are going to an infertility doctor where women can't get pregnant and you bring a baby???? That is like eating a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs in front of a room full of starving people. It would be rude!
-Damiane'

me and alex 

Difficulty Conceiving

Hi!
My name is Damiane'! I am starting this blog to get others to share in their journies of infertility. Having trouble for the past 2 years myself I can certainly relate. Friends and family can only take so much when they didn't have trouble themselves. They love us just can't comprehend how difficult and lonely infertility can be. Please share your stories. Hope to hear from you soon.