Coming soon

Ok, I went today and my follicle was a 17.5mm. My LH surge is starting to show so any day now is the big one! Well, not THE big day that is reserved for the POSITIVE pregnancy test, which will happen this time. I can feel it. It is different than all the other cycles. And so what if it is only in my head. Your mind controls your body in more ways than one. Take when someone is taking a placebo pill for something medical. IF they take the pill and really believe it is working even though there is no medication in it then so what. The mind IS working and it is producing the outcome right? The mind is a powerful thing!!!
My poem that is listed below was submitted to poetry.com and they LOVED it they want to publish it and I am entered to win 10,000 dollars if it wins. They probably say that to everyone but so what. It is still pretty cool!
I am also going to write a book about emotional distress of infertility. I started working on it a couple of weeks before our pc went down, but now that we have it back, I will pick up where I left off.
Thank you for reading my blog. It means you care and I appreciate it. I decided to start this bog because I know I couldnt' continue on the way I was. That is all I ever talked about and it is a BIG part of my life right now. If you were getting married or going on a cruise you would talk about it all the time. That is what this infertility saga has been for me. I know it has been 2 years and it gets old, but it is important to me. My feelings are legitimate to have. I love all of you reading this and god bless!

ok so it didnt' work the second time either

ok, So our second chance was a waste. I did ovulate but then I went for a pregnancy test and it was negative. I was devasted. The next day that bitch aunt flo showed up and I felt weak. On Monday I was a wreck, I had a migraine and everything and everyone annoyed the crap of me. So I went home from work and had a melt down. I talked to my dear friend Mariann, she was wonderful. I just stayed on the couch and relaxed and cried and watched my soap opera (Passions). Then the lady (Lee) from the fertility doctor called and said that she had to fight with the sponsors to let me do the study for another month but she convinced them and I went and picked up my pills.
Well! At first there wasn't anything. On day 11 there was one that was 12mm and today, day 13 it grew to 15mm so now I have to go everyday and do my LH kit and when that comes up positive I will be fertile mertile and then in 2 weeks we will see what happens.
I have been doing my positive affirmations picturing my ovary and follicle and saying it is this big and the little egg is in there waiting to come out and it is healthy and strong. I have been rooting for my ovary to do what it is to do. The last two cycles it has been my right ovary and now it is my left so hopefully it has better luck. I have been wearing a rubber band on my wrist and everytime I get stressed out or hurt I snap it and it quickly reminds me to reasses the situation and see the bigger picture. And it really works.!!!!!!! I have been doing great.!!!!!!
And 2 weeks after that I will hear the babies heartbeat for the first time. Can you believe it????
At 32 days the baby will be the size of a grain of rice but they can see and hear the heartbeat. Amazing.!!!!!!!
So wish us luck and send plenty of baby dust our way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!